Home again...

After spending the last 4 weeks (?!) at my mum's, me and the kiddies are Home again! :) It feels good to get to sleep in my own bed tonight... yet, I'm sick of this place...! There's not. one. single. chore. in this house that I haven't done...! From sheer stubborness I've refused to do certain things around the house, so that He would have something to do...  fill some sort of purpose.

The last, and only, thing I still had left to 'learn' how to do was to air/bleed the radiators (which I do know how to do, I've just not wanted to!) and...coming home today with radiators sounding like a babbling brook I had no choice. It f*kin' needed to get done! :[
So I did it.

And...now I feel bitter.
I know I should feel Grateful (and another day I might) for all the things I now know how to do, that I didn't previously know... Learning, growing, evolving and all that jazz but nah! Tonight I'm bitter and stuffing myself with bread...

scatterbrain!

I've missed (?!?) telling you guys that I'm going back to uni in January! :D *yay!*

At the end of last week, just as we got hit by chicken pox, I logged on to antagning.se (international link) to find out if I'd gotten in or not and, I'm in! :) I'm still going for the whole teacher thing (which I took a break from in the spring) but I've changed my mind a little bit and I'm now going to get my degree in pre-school teaching. :)

I'm not really where I thought I'd be, when I took the break in the spring... I was 'hoping' I'd now (almost a year later) would be divorced, have the house sold and have a place of my own, somewhere to start anew with Life...and...I not. None of the above actually but...soon enough??  :\

Looking forward to next year, a new year, with new/old beginnings,

school kills creativity - ken robinson

A brilliant and creative video/short lecture. For anyone who's near or around kids, parenting, learning, teaching, trying to understand... :) Make sure you hear (and see!) this! :)

I miss learning teaching, teaching learning,

Being back2front?

I should so be in bed right now but I had another 'revelation' tonight that I just had to write it down however tired and muddled it might sound... Tomorrow I might not remember my thoughts...

Things that are 'easy' I make difficult for myself by feeling not good enough, guilty and by being too hard on myself.. The hard stuff on the other hand I shrugg my shoulders at, I 'make' them easier than they actually are, I cope, I manage... no guilt, no putting myself down or doubting my capabilities.

Is that, or isn't it, the right way round...? Should the easy really be hard and the hard, easy...? Is that the recipe for 'success'? ...or for disaster...?

I'm not yet sure what I think about it all more than that I had the thought... hmm..

Love&Light,

Stop questioning

Hay Quaker does it again. The right quote at the right time...

Love&Light,

"I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain; and never shut myself up in a numb core of nonfeeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and think: to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love."

- Sylvia Plath

Becoming Quaker?

Today after Meeting, at the home of two Friends, we introduced ourselves to the group and a woman who's been a Friend for a year said: ...I've been a Member for about a year but when people ask me how long I've been a Quaker I answer - All my life.

It gave me goose-bumps! :)

I couldn't just let it pass so later in the conversation turned I again to the woman and said to her how beautiful I had found her words to be... :) L.B. then said that it's not uncommon that feeling - that one doesn't become a Quaker, you are one.

More goose-bumps! :)

At this Meeting there were also two young children (not yet 2 and 3½ years old) present and it was sooo amazing to see how they too managed to be still and silent:ish ;) for the whole hour!? :) :) :) Amazing. :) Their presence added another...dimension to Meeting, to have the sound of little people there - who are truly in the Present in the Here and Now and therefore a fantastic help (at least to me) to do/be the same.

I still feel like I'm figuring out my 'way to worship', and feeling satisfied as long as I manage to turn of the every-day-life-chattering in my head. The whole 'listening within'-thing isn't really (but possibly?) happening just yet... Taking my time... :)

Other things/news Quaker...! :D I'm going to participate in Days for learning (is what I think it might be called in English) in November. Three(:ish) days of learning about Quaker faith and practice - I'm so excited! :) It's at a Quaker retreat up north, about a 6 hour drive (or for me ride!) away. We (L.B, A. and I) are heading there on Friday morning and we'll be back home again on Sunday evening... Very much looking forward to it! :)

Love&Light,

Women Food and God

Where to start...? :)

I can't stand self-help-books with advice on empowerment, affirmations all that hooplah. Blah, blah, blah, yeah-yeah I'm beautiful and special and someone... Bleh! :p

But! After seeing Geneen Roth on Oprah a while back I went...wow... That makes sense... What an absolutely brilliant, beautiful, simple and bold idea... No more diets. Eat what my body wants...when I'm hungry, with pleasure... (etc.!) I have to learn more!

I ordered the book, still quite convinced it might end up as a never-ending 'toilet read', and it was laying about the house for a bit 'til I finally put in in my bag to have something to read on the long comute to work. On the third page (I think, lil'sis had my copy) I did the first of many 'dog-ears' and after the first chapter I started digging in my bag for a pen so that I could underline the awesomeness that leaped at me from the pages! I never underline things in books I read for pleasure...that's 'honour' ;p is soley for school book...except for this book! Wow... So beautifully simple, heart wrenchingly honest and...excellent.

There's so much I want to adress about this book! :) SO much underlined and dog-eared and many many light-bulb-moments... and as I said previously it can work/help anyone with any type of obsession or addiction if you manage to translate what Geneen has to say about food to your specific 'issue'. I might return with more when my sisters (older sis is waiting for her turn too ;)) are done reading. :)

One of my many favourite parts of the book is when she talks about the eating guidelines (I cringed - I'm too much of a 'permitter' ;) to cope with 'guidelines') 'til the part where she shares about an experience when she realised her students just didn't get it and she had to re-explain them as 'If love could speak...'-guidelines (the exact wording escapes me!) and I got major goose-bumps...'cause it was soooo true...! If Love, rather than 'The Voice', spoke to me...I'd not treat myself the way I do...the way I did.

I will not lie when I say that this was/is one of those Life Changing Books. I see things clearer, about myself and about food... I have let Love speak to me.

Yeah :D I looooved this book!

7 out of 5 stars! ;)

Oprah.com has plenty of interesting stuff on this book too! I didn't think I'd write as much as I have 'cause a lot can be found there. An excerpt, videos and more...go have a look and if you have even a slight obsessive streak...read this book!

Love&Light,

1 made, a million (or so) to go!

Yep. I've made one this past week, I've made a decision. It's one that's been brewing for a while now and that I've finally realised as ready-brewing and actually needing to be made...so...I made it! I decided, and realised that I neeeeed to make more 'cause it feels kinda good to have made one. :) It sort of forces me to take that next step and plan ahead on the step taken, rather than be stuck and pondering or what would/will/might happen if I take the step or not. My foot was tired and needed putting down and now the other foot can be tortured for a wee while 'til I've made yet another decision... I think that perhaps making one decision will in turn make making another one less difficult and perhaps it is making decisions is what will get the snowball rolling...? ...or (which I much more prefer than the winter symbolism) the Light shining...??

What decision did I make then you might wonder...? Well...it was probably one of the hardest ones I think I've ever had to make, one I never thought I'd make.

I decided that with all things going on right now studying at university is just too damn hard. It broke my heart, more than a little bit, to realise this but I also realised that it's OK and it wouldn't be breaking my heart if I was on the wrong path. I know now, for sure that I want to teach and I'm going to teach...but... it'll have to wait for a little bit.

I need a break.

I need to find my footing again and find a way for studying to give me energy the way it has been previously. Recently I've just felt unfocused and drained, unexcited and...drained. The usual energy boost that studying has given me has just been lost with all that's been going on at home so...

I've given myself a break.

I'm going back to work ('til next year) where my mind doesn't have to be ON all the time (sad but true) and where I can just go and do and I don't have to plan and figure things out or stress and worry about exams and papers etc. that are due and so on and so on. Planning, figuring, stress and worry I get plenty of anyways at home at the mo and I need home to be much less stressful to have and get energy from my studying...

It was a difficult decision to make (why start easy, eh?)...but, maybe, hopefully (?) it was necessary to make this one to be able to take the next step ahead. I am by no means thrilled about it but it does feel necessary and making it has made it easier for me to breathe and I desperately need some breathing space right now...

Aristotle

(detail from The School of Athens by Raphael)
Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC). Greek philosopher, scientist, student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. An interesting fellow who's had an enormous impact on how, and even what, we think. Some stuff is spot on and other things are a bit 'off'...and being me, I pass on the stuff that I think is spot on (why bother spreading rubbish when one can pass on gems&jewels?) ! :)


"In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous."

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

"Education is an ornament in prosperity and a refuge in adversity."

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

"No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness."

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

"It is just that we should be grateful, not only to those with whose views we may agree, but also to those who have expressed more superficial views; for these also contributed something, by developing before us the powers of thought."

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."

"The one exclusive sign of thorough knowledge is the power of teaching."

"We become just by performing just action, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave action."

- Aristotle

Book quotes

I love reading. Reading takes me through time and space and allows me to 'experience' how life and love is to others. I laugh and cry, I hurt and heal and by reading I learn and grow, sometimes with the characters in the books but just as often when they don't. After my Family, reading means the world to me.
I like writing too and perhaps I'll write a book one day, share with other's some of what I've learnt...pass it forward if you will... :)


Here's what a some other folks have to say on Books:

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.
- Charles W. Eliot (21st President of Harvard University)

A single book at the right time can change our views dramatically, give a quantum boost to our knowledge, help us construct a whole new outlook on the world and our life. Isn't it odd that we don't seek those experiences more systematically?
- Steve Leveen

When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me.
- W. Somerset Maugham (English playwright, novelist, and short story writer)

Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a dangerous enemy indeed.
- Anne Rice (American novelist)

Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.
- Maya Angelou (American poet, memoirist, actress, director, and civil rights activist)

You cannot open a book without learning something.
- Confucius (Chinese thinker and social philosopher)

Walt Whitman

Walter "Walt" Whitman (1819 – 1892) an American poet, essayist and journalist.

Whitman was a religious skeptic: though he accepted all churches, he believed in none. God, to Whitman, was both immanent and transcendent and the human soul was immortal and in a state of progressive development.

"This is what you shall do:
Love the earth and sun and the animals,
Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks,
Stand up for the stupid and crazy,
Devote your income and labors to others,
Hate tyrants, argue not concerning God,
Have patience and indulgence toward the people,
Take off your hat to nothing known or unknown,
Or to any man or number of men,
Go freely with powerful uneducated persons,
And with the young and with the mothers of families,
Read these leaves in the open air,
Every season of every year of your life,
Reexamine all you have been told,
At school at church or in any book,
Dismiss whatever insults your own soul,
And your very flesh shall be a great poem,
And have the richest fluency not only in its words,
But in the silent lines of its lips and face,
And between the lashes of your eyes,
And in every motion and joint of your body."

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

"In the faces of men and women, I see God."

"When I give, I give myself."

"The future is no more uncertain than the present."

"Be curious, not judgmental."

"Have you learned the lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?"

"I am of old and young, of the foolish as much as the wise,
Regardless of others, ever regardful of others..."

John Dewey

Information cropped from Wikipedia.
John Dewey (October 20, 1859 – June 1, 1952) was an American philosopher, psychologist and educational reformer. The overriding theme of Dewey's works was his profound belief in democracy, be it in politics, education or communication and journalism.

Dewey continually argued that education and learning are social and interactive processes, and thus the school itself is a social institution through which social reform can and should take place. According to Dewey, the teacher should not be one to stand at the front of the room doling out bits of information to be absorbed by passive students. Instead, the teacher’s role should be that of facilitator and guide.

He was one of the original 34 signees of the first Humanist Manifesto (1933).
Kinda cool in my book. :)

I'm inspired by some of his educational ideas in my own studies to be a teacher and hope that some of his quotes might inspire you too.


"Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination."

"We only think when we are confronted with problems."

"Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes."

"Skepticism: the mark and even the pose of the educated mind."

"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action."

"Education is a social process. Education is growth. Education is, not a preparation for life; education is life itself."

"The teacher is not in the school to impose certain ideas or to form certain habits in the child, but is there as a member of the community to select the influences which shall affect the child and to assist him in properly responding to these influences."

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe (June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962), born Norma Jeane Mortenson, but baptized Norma Jeane Baker, was an American actress, singer and model.

An amazing, intriguing woman, more clever than she was ever given credit for... here's a few of her insightful quotes.


"It's far better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone — so far."

"It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone."

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

"No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no-one but yourself, and sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together."

Confucius

Confucius (Kong Fu Zi), 551 BC – 479 BC. A Chinese thinker and social philosopher, whose teachings deeply influenced East Asian life and thought. Confucius presented himself as a "transmitter who invented nothing" (not speaking of unknown things? ;)) and he put great emphasis on the importance of study (or learning).

Confucius's moral system was based upon empathy and understanding others. Virtue was based upon harmony with other people, summed up in the earliest versions of the Golden Rule.

"What one does not wish for oneself,
one ought not to do to anyone else;
what one recognises as desirable for oneself,
one ought to be willing to grant to others."
- Confucius

More quotes from Confucius:

"Knowledge is recognizing what you know and what you don't."

"Reviewing what you have learned and learning anew, you are fit to be a teacher."

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous."

"When we see men of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves."

"It does not matter how slowly you go
so long as you do not stop."

"To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness."

"He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good."

Love...

Do you love the one you love for you or do you love him for him (or her)...? Confusing? Yeah, it sure is. :P But! There is a difference!

Usually, naturally, there is a bit of both kinds of love in a relationship. Giving and taking. It's taken me a looong long time to (I think) "figure" this one out and I want to try it out on you "all"... ;) :)

Love can be about how safe, protected and loved you feel by your certain someone, i.e. loving someone for you for what you get out of Love. Or (and!) it can be the love you feel for your partner - what a great dad he is, what a kind heart he has or his quick wit. You love your partner for all the possibilities that he/she has for him- or herself...not what you get from Love but what Love enables you to see in you partner.

Again, love is usually, hopefully, a healthy mixture of both - from both lovers. But, a lot of the time, it's not. I say this both from my own experience and the experience of others. When there's an...let call it an imbalance of the two, not uncommonly between partners - where one loves for the all possibilities of the other and the other one love only for what he/she gets out of his/her partners affections. One of them could soar but is too frightened to do so...and the Love that he receives is...ultimately...wasted. This imbalance may last forever but will (again in my opinion) in the end to some degree be seasoned with bitterness.

There is also the desperate love between two partners who are both trying to fill themselves up with the other persons love, in the end draining each other out completely and usually ending in emotional, quite often dramatic, break-ups with wounds so deep they feel like they'll never heal.

Sometimes we're not even aware that we love someone only to fill a hole in ourselves rather than being the wind beneath our loved ones wings, helping them soar...

Is it right to deem one kind of love better than the other? I'm not sure, perhaps this will come back and bite me but I'm daring to say that Yes, there is a "better" more true kind of love...and it is not loving someone for yourself.

Because when you are in a relationship where you love each other, not for what you get, but what Love lets you give it is more true. You both grow, learn, evolve together into better, brighter, more beautiful versions of yourselves.

But, it's hard...we all have our own insecurities and old hurts that haven't healed so we love when love makes us feel special, beautiful, safe... We just have to be aware that what makes us special, beautiful, safe is our love for ourselves!

It's a cliché but it's true...you can't Love someone if you don't love yourself. You can give someone the illusion of love but it isn't the love that they, or you, deserve!

Find yourself first, love you, then give love and you'll get it back...! :)
I'm convinced of it!

Choosing the Path

Again, from Mr. Coelho.

Choosing the Path “I am willing to give up everything”, said the prince to the master. “Please accept me as your disciple.”

“How does a man choose his path?” asked the master.

“Through sacrifice,” answered the prince. “A path which demands sacrifice, is a true path.”

The master bumped into some shelves. A precious vase fell, and the prince threw himself down in order to grab hold of it. He fell badly and broke his arm, but managed to save the vase.

“What is the greater sacrifice: to watch the vase smash, or break one’s arm in order to save it?” asked the master.

“I do not know,” said the prince.

“Then how can you guide your choice for sacrifice? The true path is chosen by our ability to love it, not to suffer for it.”

Søren Kierkegaard,

was a Danish philosopher, theologian and religious author interested in human psychology. Kierkegaard is regarded as the father of existentialism which means that (in at least in my book!) he's a cool dude! :) :) There's one "passage" of his that I can't seem to find in English (still looking!) so here's two quotes 'til I find what I'm looking for. :)


"Life can only be understood backwards;
but it must be lived forwards."
- Søren Kierkegaard

To be a teacher in the right sense is to be a learner. Instruction begins when you, the teacher, learn from the learner, put yourself in his place so that you may understand what he understands and the way he understands it.
- Søren Kierkegaard
As a future teacher I love that quote, because I find it so true to what a teacher really should be like...! :)

Sense of Coherence

...or Salutogenesis is a concept or actually a theory of health and illness by Aaron Antonovsky. It explains how some people are more protected agains stress factors in their daily life due to the "sense of coherence" they have about Life and its challenges.

The sense of coherence has three components;
Comprehensibility: Does things make sense? Do I understand what's happening? Can I say what will come next?
Manageability: Can I manage? Have I got the support and "tools" to cope with what's happening?
Meaningfulness: It there a point? A purpose? A good reason? Are things in Life interesting? Worth caring about?

According the Antonovsky, meaningfulness is the most important factor. If there is no sense of meaning one will not have the motivation to make sense of things and/or to manage them...

And my point for this post?! (if there need to be one... ;)) :D Well, I've heard/read about salutogenesis before as a stress coping tool and/or a way to find balance in one's life... The other day at a lecture about learning the lecturer used this theory as a key part of making studies/studying meaningfull. If a child/person doesn't understand why/what/what for he/she learning something then he/she becomes a observer rather than a participant in school, and in the bigger scheme... Life.

I got a light bulb-moment out of this world!! :D OF COURSE! It makes perfect sense to use salutogenesis in the learning field too...! :) And I believe that a sense of coherense can be applicable to any and all aspects of life...so if you're still with me (bless you!) ;) That is my point...!



"Beyond the specific stress factors that one might encounter in life, and beyond your perception and response to those events, what determines whether stress will cause you harm is whether or not the stress violates your sense of coherence."
- Aaron Antonovsky

Maya Angelou quotes

Feeling a bit bored... Seems like everyone is doing what they're supposed to do today, while I just sit around just not able to be bothered. Gosh! Sounds depressing! :[ Sorry! :) Is not that bad...just having an off day.
So I waste (yeah waste! I so could be doing other stuff!) my time surfing the web, hunting for more fab quotes/saying/proverbs. I "always" seem to "get stuck" on a certain person or theme when I go in these hunts, today I got stuck on Maya Angelou. :) Don't mind that at all! :D Here are a few of gems I found...


Hope you're having a better day than me!


"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."
- Maya Angelou

"While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone elseand everything else are also God's creation."
- Maya Angelou

The Pencil

More powerful stuff from Paulo Coelho:
I've put the "main points" in bold - for me... :)

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked:
‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’
His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:
‘ I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.
‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’
‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.’
‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’
‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’
‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action.’

source: “Like the Flowing River” by Paulo Coelho



Needing to take the time to read more than little bits of mr. Coelho's work...!