Time to give, time to receive.

Once again Paulo Coelho's blog makes me smile from the inside out. He just seems to find The Right Things and I'm just awestruck. :)


Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey

"It is important to know when we can give attention and when we need attention.

Often we are inclined to give, give, give without every asking anything in return.
We may think this is a sign of generosity or even heroism.

But it might be little else than a proud attitude that says:
“I don’t need help from others. I only want to give.”

When we keep giving without receiving we burn out quickly…there is a time to give and a time to receive.

We need equal time for both if we want to live healthy lives."

Love...

Do you love the one you love for you or do you love him for him (or her)...? Confusing? Yeah, it sure is. :P But! There is a difference!

Usually, naturally, there is a bit of both kinds of love in a relationship. Giving and taking. It's taken me a looong long time to (I think) "figure" this one out and I want to try it out on you "all"... ;) :)

Love can be about how safe, protected and loved you feel by your certain someone, i.e. loving someone for you for what you get out of Love. Or (and!) it can be the love you feel for your partner - what a great dad he is, what a kind heart he has or his quick wit. You love your partner for all the possibilities that he/she has for him- or herself...not what you get from Love but what Love enables you to see in you partner.

Again, love is usually, hopefully, a healthy mixture of both - from both lovers. But, a lot of the time, it's not. I say this both from my own experience and the experience of others. When there's an...let call it an imbalance of the two, not uncommonly between partners - where one loves for the all possibilities of the other and the other one love only for what he/she gets out of his/her partners affections. One of them could soar but is too frightened to do so...and the Love that he receives is...ultimately...wasted. This imbalance may last forever but will (again in my opinion) in the end to some degree be seasoned with bitterness.

There is also the desperate love between two partners who are both trying to fill themselves up with the other persons love, in the end draining each other out completely and usually ending in emotional, quite often dramatic, break-ups with wounds so deep they feel like they'll never heal.

Sometimes we're not even aware that we love someone only to fill a hole in ourselves rather than being the wind beneath our loved ones wings, helping them soar...

Is it right to deem one kind of love better than the other? I'm not sure, perhaps this will come back and bite me but I'm daring to say that Yes, there is a "better" more true kind of love...and it is not loving someone for yourself.

Because when you are in a relationship where you love each other, not for what you get, but what Love lets you give it is more true. You both grow, learn, evolve together into better, brighter, more beautiful versions of yourselves.

But, it's hard...we all have our own insecurities and old hurts that haven't healed so we love when love makes us feel special, beautiful, safe... We just have to be aware that what makes us special, beautiful, safe is our love for ourselves!

It's a cliché but it's true...you can't Love someone if you don't love yourself. You can give someone the illusion of love but it isn't the love that they, or you, deserve!

Find yourself first, love you, then give love and you'll get it back...! :)
I'm convinced of it!