Heart & Faith

Can I choose who gets my heart? Or am I just kidding myself when I keep trying to convince myself that I decide...? I think I might be...

My heart has chosen and all I can do (?) is to try to have faith. Faith in the choice it has made, Faith in its new caretaker and Faith in its capacity to mend if (when?) broken.

It's scary...having faith that is... I was pretty sure I'd "lost" it (the capability of having enough faith in someone to let them tend to my heart) but over and over again I'm prompted into daring to believe, into having faith so...I'll do my best.

I'll try to have heart. :)

love,

Neale Donald Walsch

I've stolen a moment on my muns computer to do a quick blogpost! ;) Yay! :D

I follow Neale Donald Walsch on twitter (@_NealeDWalsch) and OMG he serves up some gems of wisdom! :) I had heard of his Conversations with God series but not been overly keen on reading them...didn't really seem to be my "thing" - my mind has changed. :)

♥


Here's som gems from his twitter feed:

"Spirituality is about the values, ethics, and deepest part of the individual, not the theological dogma of the clump" "

The you that you are is God, in Particular Form.

You are an Aspect of Divinity.

And so is everyone and everything else."

"Consider the possibility that what you call 'God' might also be called, simply, 'life.'"

"Luck, in truth, does not exist, if you define 'luck' as 'unexpected good' emerging 'out of thin air' for no apparent reason."

"In every moment God expresses Himself in, as, and through you. You are not without guidance, nor will you ever be."

- Neale Donald Walsch

What's up?

Not-so-much...and lots! :) The way it usually is...

I feel lacking in inspiration (?), not just for blogging but for life in general. :/ I'm on the edge on finally getting this house sold...or, to be honest, into the process of being sold! :p I still have to pick a realtor! :\

In 34 days I can send in papers to the court to confirm that I want the divorce finalised (in Sweden there's mandatory 6 month waiting period because of the fact that we have young children) - it feels strange that that date is almost here already. I have not changed my mind...if anything I've become even more sure that it is time for us to part. But, I do feel somewhat...empty. Probably due to us still living together, having the house together... I need to move on yet - all things still needing done is resting on my shoulders. The emptiness is currently being filled with bread. :p

I want to change my last name too. I don't want to take my maiden name back, I'm not her anymore. I don't want to 'revert', I want progress. I want something new, a fresh start, a new beginning. But...what to choose?! Another family name?? ...or something completely new...? Argh! Me and decisions! :P

Being back at uni feels great! :) There's some 'hassle' about figuring out if the semester I've previously done can give me any credit towards this semester... and, if I can get/claim it does that effect my study grant and how? OR is it better to just do a complete do-over and count this semester as a repetition of the previous one...?? *sigh* I dunno, just putting one foot in-front of the other, as per usual, trying to hold on to Me and my faith that things always find a way to work themselves out.

Tired-

Church?

I had somewhat of a breakdown on Sunday and I 'ran away' from home for the day. Not really having a plan of action after my "escape" I went into town, whilst waiting to hear from a friend I was sure I could hang out with... ♥

I wandered about in our little town for a while, it's a place where all shops in the town center are closed on Sundays (I love that! :)) and inevitably I passed the old church and it dawned on me that it was in fact Sunday. :)

I have a hard time remembering the last time I went to a church service... Sure, there's been christenings, weddings and funerals but... when was I last at Mass? Can't remember...!

I love churches...! :) It's a bit of a strange thing for a secular 'Christian' like myself but there is something there, no matter if its a plain little one or a Grand Cathedral. :) I like to walk around and soak up the atmosphere, light a candle or two and just be...in the stillness.

So...I thought maybe I should give the church-going a go... :) Maybe it'd lift my broken spirit?

My mind was changed almost as soon as I'd sat myself down in the pew. It was all so loud...! The choir sang beautifully and songs of praise give me goosebumps but... I don't know... it's distracting if the point of the service is to be 'prayerful'. And... the whole 'begging for mercy' on my sinful soul just give me the creeps! :\

I do the best I can, with what I have, in that particular situation I'm in... I just...hmm... I don't mean to say I don't do anything wrong ('cause I do! a lot!) but, I can't believe that begging/praying for mercy and forgivness is what I'm supposed to do with my time...!

I believe that I'm already forgiven. Before I've even made the mistakes I'm about to do... Is that too bold of a thing to say...?? :/ Well, now I've said it! I'm forgiven. I know this in my heart - without having to beg for it, without the minister telling me that I am...

What I try to do is to be aware and learn from mistakes (sins? whatever is a sin anyways?!) made. But, even if I lived my whole life doing the same mistake over and over and over and over again I would still be forgiven, without any requests of mercy because it's enough that I tried to be a better person...or, perhaps I didn't know any better...and that's good enought too... You know what I mean?

Anyways... :) back to the service... All I could think about was how loud and distracting is all was, how not seeing the face of the other church-goers, just the back of their heads, was sad... I wanted to see their faces and I wanted them to see mine. There were a lot of people there but, where they visible? Was there a sense of community...? Maybe there was, but I as an 'outsider' did not see or feel this at all...

I left after 10 minutes...in the middle of another loud hymn... I will be back, just not a time of Service... I'll be back for that something, the peace and stillness where the possibility for being prayerful lies.

(church in the pictures is the actual church mentioned in this post.)

Love&Light,

Do-over time

Tomorrow's do-over-day. :)

Love&Light,

Jitterbugs

I hope I didn't totally bum you out with my last post...! Feeling lighter now. I do think a good cry is good...

Now I should be heading to bed. I've got an early:ish start tomorrow morning, even if it is a day off work. I'm going to my very first Meeting tomorrow and I'm a wee bit nervous about it, excited too..but...mostly sort of nervous...but in a good way! :)

I mean, it might all have felt right in my heart 'in theory' - so to speak, but it isn't (surely?) the same as when it is experienced in real life, with real people, in a real context...(?) :) So...I'm feeling just a tad bit jittery about tomorrow Meeting. I'm sure it will be a good experience whether theory and practice are a match, or not. :)

Now I'm off to bed! Sweet dreams.

Love&Light,

Sarah Dawn Finer - For A Friend

I love this song. It just makes my tears well up every time. :´) I don't know if its intended but I hear double meaning in the song. It is not only about a friend comforting another but the Spirit/God(s) asking for Faith... You hear it too? :)

This song has also been covered in a take your breath away beautiful love song in Swedish.

Love&Light,

Quaker...?

I've never been a person of One Faith. I am a member of the Lutheran Church of Sweden, I'm christened, confirmed and married in the secular way most Swedes are. Because it's what you do kinda thing. I've never had any problems or issues about being a somewhat fake Christian... I don't necessarily disagree with the Christian faith, I just like too much of other faiths to feel that it's right for me to claim to be a Christian. I've never truly felt a part of any religion, because my own personal mismatch faith. I belong nowhere and everywhere...

Husband was raised with Methodist parents and he was quite involved in the churchy stuff growing up but I guess he 'grew out of it' when he had some independence after leaving his mothers home. He went down the Pagan path, where I think he still sort of is...he's just got too much other issues to deal with right now and has therefor, unfortunately in my opinion, let his spirituality 'rest'...

We did however agree when we became parents to let our children freely choose which Path to follow and we decided not to do the 'because it's what you do'-christening that is so often done. We celebrated their arrival with a party but left them free to choose when and into what, if any, faith they're to be baptized into. :)

I'm straying away from my 'post point'...! ;) Back to me and my beliefs... I've always believed in kindness/compassion (lets be friend, lets not fight, kindness begets kindness, how does 'the other' feel/perceive this situation) and equality/solidarity (people are people are people, I'm no better than anyone else and neither are they, we're the same and if we all could see that we'd all be better off.)

My 'religion' has seemed more like some kind of political statement than a faith but...to me it's been both. Because, I feel that there is something more, guiding me/us... You know that gut feeling, our conscience...(?) That feeling of right and wrong that we're all born with which certainly can be destroyed by our upbringing and/or other horrible circumstances, but even a small child knows when s/he's done 'wrong'...or is being done wrong by. We all have a bit of the Divine in us and it can't be lost...no matter how lost you feel.

Recently, thanks to Cora, and her (re)searching I was 'introduced' to the Religious Society of Friends also known as Quakers. I knew nothing about them before...I would have just put them together with 'other' Plain Faith Christians of the New World. :) ;) :) But, after just a reasonably quick research of my own, online and 'live' at the library, I was/am somewhat perplexed...these folks made sense to me. Could it be that there are others who, like me, belong nowhere and everywhere? :)

The more I've read and researched the more convinced I've become... The testimonies, the fact that they include rather than exclude, the inner Light ('my' gut feeling/conscience-thingy ;) which I too have referred to as light) as etc and so on. (yeees, I know is not as simple or clean cut as I perhaps make it sound but...!) :) Its just, almost eerily, right. They're not a big group here in lil' ol' Sweden (compared to over the pond at Cora's ;)) and I don't know whether to go or brace myself a little... I'm trying to follow my gut but it's hard when I feel excited and apprehensive at the same time. :)

In Sweden there's a 'saying' which I tend to follow, it's "Skynda långsamt" which means hurry slowly :) but the question remains... How slowly should I hurry or have I hurried slowly enough...?

Love&Light,

God Is Not a Christian

As you might already know I'm a big fan of the Charter for Compassion and (unsurprisingly ;)) I also follow it on facebook. :) There I get links to lots of interesting articles and other stuff. :) Today when I came home from work I did my usual look-through of my news feed and as usual there was a link to an article, this time by Desmond Tutu - "God Is Not a Christian" . I usually feel somewhat silly re-posting re-posted posts ;) but, this I just had to pass forward!

He writes inspiringly "We must be ready to learn from one another, not claiming that we alone possess all truth and that somehow we have a corner on God.[...] We have enough that conspires to separate us; let us celebrate that which unites us, that which we share in common."
Read, read and re-post! ;)

Love&Light,

Belief-O-Matic result

This is what the Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches my beliefs. :) I appriciate that beliefnet provide links to the faiths less unknown to me - never heard of 'new thought' that scored high on the test (I think it might have been me high rating the 'no Satan' question).

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)

2. Liberal Quakers (91%)

3. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (84%)

4. New Age (78%)

5. Neo-Pagan (78%)

6. New Thought (72%)

7. Reform Judaism (68%)

8. Mahayana Buddhism (68%)

9. Secular Humanism (66%)

10. Scientology (66%)

11. Theravada Buddhism (61%)

12. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)

13. Taoism (54%)

14. Baha'i Faith (48%)

15. Orthodox Quaker (47%)

16. Sikhism (45%)

17. Hinduism (44%)

18. Nontheist (38%)

19. Jainism (37%)

20. Orthodox Judaism (32%)

21. Islam (26%)

22. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (25%)

23. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (24%)

24. Seventh Day Adventist (23%)

25. Eastern Orthodox (21%)

26. Roman Catholic (21%)

27. Jehovah's Witness (14%)

Book Review - Strength in Weakness

The 'blurb':

Quaker women in the eighteenth century were carrying on the faith and activity of their seventeenth-century forebears, but as a group their lives and writings have been neglected in modern times by both Quaker and other historians. Gil Skidmore brings together a rich array of letters, spiritual autobiographies, journals, and memoirs to put the lives and concerns of these women into context.

I really liked it. Despite the heavyness of the 'old' English and the 'uneducated' way of writing it was a good read. The bible references are quite frequent so one needs not to be 'disturbed' by that fact if you are to be able to enjoy the book.

I found that the parts where education and raising children were brought up to be especially 'enlightened'. I have now unfortunately forgotten which one of the women made the most poignant points about these topics (towards the end of the book) but if it had been my own book (I borrowed it from the library) I would have underlined her words for sure, those and many of the other inspirational things that were brought to light by these courageous women.

It's not in on the 'top list' of my all time favourite books perhaps but it definitely gave me food for thought. I like that in any book! :) What the Quaker women (and men!) went through back then was, is, some truly amazing stuff...

Dinner Challenge!

So here's a 'challenge' for you!

Who would you invite to dinner?
Choose 6 people, living or dead, that you'd like to invite over for dinner. Choose freely, they can be friends and/or family, famous or infamous ;) people.

'All' I want from you is a motivation as to why you've chosen these people, both on a personal level as well as what you think the individuals might add to the group.

Tag as many or as few people as you like.

Don't forget to let me know in the comments when you're done with the challenge! :) :) :)

If you've read this post you've been tagged for the challenge! :)

A special 'honourary tag' goes to DMG, Cora, Gumbo Soul and Kelly who I'll 'personally' hunt down and tag on their blogs! ;p

Edited to add: OhOhOh! Why not add a little note of what would be on the dinner table too?? :D That'd be fun to read about too. :)

Image is linked and borrowed from pinkofperfection.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm inviting:
Khalil Gibran
Jesus (as in Christ)
Paulo Coelho
Cora
Muhammed (as in founder of Islam)
Dalai Lama (as in the 14th)

This was not an easy choice...I could easily have added another 3-4 people to the table! OR invite a whole new group of 6 people. (I would have loved an all-girls-table! ;)) Sure, I guess I could have changed the rules too to suit ;) but my reason for 'only' inviting 6 people is so that we'll all have time to have a good chat with each other before the night is through. (Cora's an overnight guest just so ya'll know! ;)).

The reason for inviting these people over is, if you haven't already figured it out, to talk about religion, spirituality and faith. I'm curious to meet and discuss with each individual his/her point of view on these things but I'd also think it'd be sooo cool to see Muhammad chatting with Jesus and the Dalai Lama talking with Gibran etc. and so on. :) I think that the group conversations at the table would be very interesting too and I'd like to believe that they're all 'well-behaved' and wouldn't start a fight. ;)

Added after editing: I'm not a very good cook so I don't have a ready recipe in mind but I'd serve something vegetarian for sure. I think it'd be the best option considering the guest. A nice stew of some sort perhaps and definately a soul soothing sweet-something for dessert! ;)

So, tell me! Who would you invite to dinner?? :)

Jewel

Thought I'd share a little bit of music with you this Friday.

My beautiful soul sister Née shared this video on facebook a little while back - Jewel's "Satisfied" and now I'm sharing it with you. :)




I just absolutely LOOOOVE it! It made me cry the first time I heard it and gives me goose bumps every time!

Satisfied lyrics:
If you love somebody
You better let it out
Don't hold it back
While you're trying to figure it out
Don't be timid
Don't be afraid to hurt
Run toward the flame
Run toward the fire
Hold on for all your worth
Cause the only real pain a heart can ever know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you don't let your feelings show

So did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line
Did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye
Did they feel it
Did you say it in time
Did you say it out loud
'cause if you did hun
Then you lived some
That feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Busy people walking by
Can't help but worry some
With so many things to do
So little love gets done
Empty hearts everywhere
Drowning but dying of thirst
If you want love
It's not that tough
Start by giving it first
It's so easy to give
Baby can't you see
Just close your eyes open your heart
And do what comes naturally

Well did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line
Did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye
Did they feel it
Did you say it in time
Did you say it out loud
'cause if you did hun
Then you lived some
That feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Horses are built to run
The sun is meant to shine above
Flowers are made to bloom
And then there's us
We were born to love
Not really being a Jewel fan I still found myself enjoying her tunes looking around on YouTube. :) "Stronger Woman" made me smile. The line "from now on I'm going to be the kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be" gave me major goose-bumps!! :) :) The goose bumps are always a good guide to my 'likes'! :)



So, I thought I'd post the YouTube links here and perhaps make you cry and smile too... :)

Stronger Woman lyrics:
I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now, he sleeps while I write

But it's better than crying
I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just when he's hungry or frisky
or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean

But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me

Light bulbs buzz,
I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more
I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings

Well from now on I'm going to be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be, oh

I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
A stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman

This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman
There's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me,
Yeah...

Hope you have a beautiful Friday,
Be Safe♥

To Make This Life Worth While

I LOVE words, I dream of being an artist of words but... *blushing* I'm not a big fan of poetry, I most often find it too hard and too difficult. :/ Most other type of writing is "better", easier...to the point even if it's long...! :) Poetry is, a lot of the time, a bunch of fancy words, hidden meanings and too weird to have the heart that I find in other writing...

But! :D There are of course exceptions to this preconception of mine! ;) Sometimes poetry is bursting with heart, truth and beauty that no in no other way could be shared but in the poetic form...

To Make This Life Worth While
~ George Eliot

May every soul that touches mine-
Be it the slightest contact-
Get therefrom some good;

Some little grace; one kindly thought;
One aspiration yet unfelt;

One bit of courage
For the darkening sky;

One gleam of faith
To brave the thickening ills of life;

One glimpse of brighter skies
Beyond the gathering mists-

To make this life worthwhile

Karen Armstrong

...a provocative, original thinker on the role of religion in the modern world.



Religious thinker Karen Armstrong has written more than 20 books on faith and the major religions, studying what Islam, Judaism and Christianity have in common, and how our faiths shaped world history and drive current events.

A former nun, Armstrong has written two books about this experience: Through the Narrow Gate, about her seven years in the convent, and The Spiral Staircase, about her subsequent spiritual awakening, when she developed her iconoclastic take on the major monotheistic religions -- and on the strains of fundamentalism common to all. She is a powerful voice for ecumenical understanding.
(text taken from TED.com)

If...

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn;
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight;
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy;
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty;

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient;
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence;
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate;
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice;
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith;
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself;

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world. ♥

by Dorothy Law Holte (?)