What/when/who decides what/when/who does whatever is to be done...?
How do you ever know when the right time is, or that the right choice has been done??
Every choice has a consequence, every action an effect and what has been done can't be un-done.
I guess what I've been doing, so far at least, is by following my gut and my heart feeling quite certain that things will work out, and they always have (and will?) so that "plan of action" had worked out quite well for me, so far... Yet...here I am, and have been for quite a while, needing to make a move rather than just follow a feeling... and I'm feeling strong&weak, lost&found, confident&insecure all at once! I need to make a choice, make my move, make a change and I can literally feel a Force behind me urging me to dare, to go, to do. And still here I stand, where I've been standing, teary eyed like a lost child knowing that once I make that move, whether it be right or 'wrong', I can't take it back. I won't be able to un-do it...
I've always been...strong... An opinionated do:er, the one who manages whatever Life tosses her way. I'm a person who people look to for answers like I was some kind of oracle. I realise that sounds harsh perhaps and it isn't how/what I mean, I merely want to state it sort of matter-of-factly... Why is that? Why do people asume I know when I don't know! Not any more than the next person anyways...! Why do I cope? Why don't I break? Why? Why are things still so hard...? Why can't someone choose for me??
Why can't I have a mad rant without the answers to my questions starting to form at the back of my head?! I don't want to know, don't want to cope and manage... I wanna break...just a little bit...so that I don't need to be strong all the time...
5 comments:
I drove myself crazy from August to October of 2009 about moving back home to Jersey after being miserable in VA. I was completely cerebral about it and made lists of the pros and cons (Jersey is my family, my bones, but it's also very expensive....VA was cheap and afforded us money to do and have more...blah blah blah). In the end, my heart took over and I've never looked back. Being home in Jersey this past year has been the best year of the past 8. Woot! Go with your heart and forget what other people (including your own brain) think.
Thanks for you commment DM. :)
This thing in me has been 'brewing' for almost a year now (for sure the last 6 months!) and I've been agonizing about it... I wish it was as "easy" as just following my heart but my heart is torn and will be left broken whichever way I go. It's about deciding the better of two evils, about choosing where my heart will heal the 'best'...
Darling,
It's like taking off the Band-aide: it will hurt like hell for a split second and then it's better. But right before you take it off, the pain is already building up in your head, but the reality isn't as bad.
I know the choice you are facing and the pain you've been going through. You've exhausted yourself.
It's time for you and the children. It doesn't mean that the situation is "forever" but I think with some growing room both of you will spread your wings.
Love Love Love Love you! <3
:´)
thank you.
Finns här, finns alltid här! <3
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