Back 2 work

OK...so I'm starting to get a little bit nervous about going back to work tomorrow. Stressing about what to wear and what shoes are sensible, yet 'purdy' enough. Thankfully it's not a new job that I'm returning to but the one I've had (off and on due to initially parental- then study leave) since we moved back to Sweden, almost 10 years ago. It is a new department (for me) in the department store so that's got the butterflies going but...I think...in a good way...?

Still feeling like somewhat of a big fat failure for 'giving up' on studying, even if I try to convince myself that it was/is the only sensible option/choice I had/have and that it'll be OK, more than OK...

Tell me it'll be OK...! :\

'Silence' explained...

One of my favourite bloggers of recent has felt the need to delete her two blogs. :( I do hope it's only temporary, and that she might return with a blog that perhaps requires a password or something similar so that she feel like she has the privacy she wants/needs/deserves.

Blessings to you Dark Mother Goddess, you are already sorely missed! Hope to 'see' ya soon.

"Don't be dismayed by good-byes.

A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.

And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes,

is certain for those who are friends."

- Richard Bach

it's quiet...

It's been very quiet in the blogosphere today (both home and abroad). I'm starting to think I might have I missed the A Blog Free Day-campaign or something? ;) Well, it's time for bed, bedtime...or as they say in Finland - nukkumaanmenoaika. :) Why only use a few letters when you can use loads?! ;)

Sweet dreams,

Spoilsport

Yeah, that's me. Any time we decide on doing some type of 'family fun' my image of 'happy times' is spoilt by everyone just being their usual selves... Before we even get going I get annoyed, feel like the fun is ruined but everyones lack of interest or appreciation, by the usual everyday conflicts (that I for some reason think will magically disappear this particular moment in time)...and then I end up being the spoilsport - grumpy, moody and irritable... :(

I know I overreact, how is everyone supposed to join in on the fun that I keep ruining with my unreasonable expectations of a smiling, happy family...??

Winner of worst Mum award 2005 - present,

A Prayer For Courage

*goose bump*-moment, again when reading Paulo Coelho's blog. :) Sooo need to do a hunt of more goose-bump-words (I'm sure!) from this man I've never heard of until today. Just wanted to get this posted immidiately! :)

"Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,

but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,

but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield,

but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,

but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant that I may not be a coward,

feeling Your mercy in my success alone;

But let me find the grasp of Your hand in my failure."

- Rabindranath Tagore,

 1913 Nobel Prize Laureate from Bengal, India.

Sisters

I am truly blessed when it comes to sisters! :) I have two amazing women who are related to me by blood and I've also been lucky enough to find another two awesome sisters to whom I'm connected to by heart and soul.

"She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child."
- Barbara Alpert

"I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.  It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.  Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at." 
- Maya Angelou

"A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double."
- Toni Morrison

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life." 
- Isadora James

"Bless you, my darling, and remember

you are always in the heart - oh tucked so close

there is no chance of escape - of your sister." 

- Katherine Mansfield

I speak not of unknown things.

Outside my window... Sunshine, beautiful, lovely, sweet spring sunshine! :)

Around the house... Most things are where they're supposed to be (little people are away for a few days), cats lazying about...smelling slightly of burnt toast - 'cause it burnt some earlier. ;p

I'm wearing... the 'usual' chillin'-at-home attire, grey sweats and nude longsleeved tee.

I'm reading... 'Women, Food and God' by Geneen Roth

I'm hearing... silence, a car driving past hour house...the cat snoring... :)

I'm learning... that only I can decide the rules in my life...then it is up to the rest to follow, or stay behind. I'm my own resposibility...

I'm wondering/thinking… if what I just wrote above makes sense. Is it true? Can I be 'the captain' of my life and just believe that I'll get what I need along the way...?

I'm hoping... that work will be good. That its a step ahead and not backwards...even if it does feel like a step back in time...

I'm grateful for... sisters! ♥

Low note... noticing me loosing myself in my body (again). This isn't where I want to be.

High note... blowing leaves in the garden yesterday 'til my arm went numb. :) I wish I could use it indoors too to tidy up! ;) Cora's Deep Thoughts post gave me, and others, food for thought. :) Very interesting and appreciated. :) :)

Light...? *after thinking long and hard* Ah, I do feel lighter after clearing the leaves of the lawn and finally putting away the pallet of pellets. *phew!* That's something isn't it? Baby steps...! ;p

Belief-O-Matic result

This is what the Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches my beliefs. :) I appriciate that beliefnet provide links to the faiths less unknown to me - never heard of 'new thought' that scored high on the test (I think it might have been me high rating the 'no Satan' question).

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)

2. Liberal Quakers (91%)

3. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (84%)

4. New Age (78%)

5. Neo-Pagan (78%)

6. New Thought (72%)

7. Reform Judaism (68%)

8. Mahayana Buddhism (68%)

9. Secular Humanism (66%)

10. Scientology (66%)

11. Theravada Buddhism (61%)

12. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)

13. Taoism (54%)

14. Baha'i Faith (48%)

15. Orthodox Quaker (47%)

16. Sikhism (45%)

17. Hinduism (44%)

18. Nontheist (38%)

19. Jainism (37%)

20. Orthodox Judaism (32%)

21. Islam (26%)

22. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (25%)

23. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (24%)

24. Seventh Day Adventist (23%)

25. Eastern Orthodox (21%)

26. Roman Catholic (21%)

27. Jehovah's Witness (14%)

Marriage

I've been thinking a lot about this subject lately...lots of questions to be answered and it seems like I'm the one holding the answers...

Here's what others have thought about marriage.

"When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods."
- Bill Cosby

"Marriage is like life - it is a field of battle, not a bed of roses."
- Robert Louis Stevenson

"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
- Ann Landers

"In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self."
- William Penn

"Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman."
- Joseph Joubert

"Marriage may be the closest thing to Heaven or Hell any of us will know on this earth."
- Edwin Louis Cole

"You were born together, and together you shall be forever more. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow."

- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

Book Review - Committed

 

(image: adlibris.com)

The book cover, in Swedish, which is the one I've read.

(I also thought it was a purdier cover than the English one)

Swedish title 'I nöd och lust: en tvivlare försonas med äktenskapet',

i.e. 'for better or worse; a doubters reconsiliation with marriage'.

The blurb:
Having been effectively sentenced to wed, Gilbert tackled her fears of marriage by delving completely into this topic, trying with all her might to discover (through historical research, interviews and much personal reflection) what this stubbornly enduring old institution actually is. The result is "Committed" - a witty and intelligent contemplation of marriage that debunks myths, unthreads fears and suggests that sometimes even the most romantic of souls must trade in her amorous fantasies for the humbling responsibility of adulthood. Gilbert's memoir - destined to become a cherished handbook for any thinking person hovering on the verge of marriage - is ultimately a clear-eyed celebration of love, with all the complexity and consequence that real love, in the real world, actually entails.


I agree with what I've highlighted.
I don't necessarily agree that Liz ever comes to the conclusion that marriage is a 'humbling responsibility of adulthood' or that it's 'destined to become a ... handbook' or that marriage is an actual consequence of real love, in the real world...which is the conclusion that I feel the blurb-author has come to. ;P I don't believe that Liz and 'Felipe' would have ever gotten married if they hadn't been forced to. This doesn't make their (or any other unmarried couples) love any more 'unreal' or 'irresponsible'... But! That's me being critical not of Ms. Gilbert's book but of the blurb-author! :) ;P :)

Now, here's the book review! ;)
So...even those who've haven't read Eat, Pray, Love knows it ends in Love. ;)  Committed is the 'epilogue' of that love and Liz's...reconciliation of marriage. :) The Swedish title sorta says it all :D and the ending is no surprise! ;)

Despite knowing where the book will end it is a good book! Just like in Eat, Pray, Love we're taken on Liz's journey, although now a more internal one (despite the fact that there is a great deal of actual journeying in the book too) on her 'quest' to 'get' the ancient institution of marriage. She shares with us what she's found about the subject, which is a lot and mostly very interesting. We follow her through her contemplations about what she's seen, heard and experienced of her own previous one and the marriages of her female relations. It's an interesting journey, her journey, but also one that other 'doubters', whether 'committed' or not, can/will enjoy.

It's a book about marriage, the history and sometimes consquences of marriages both today and 'yesterday'...the book is well worth reading for anyone interested in the subject. :)

For Little E. ♥

My baby turns 4 today...where did time go? :)
This post is for her. ♥

"All the dreams I prayed you'd be,

Are all the things you are.

You were once my little girl,

And now my shining star."

- unknown

"Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."

- Clementine Paddleford

"A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer."

- unknown

"When I see the world through your young eyes,

everything becomes new again.

The moon is brighter, the sun warmer,

and the stars even more mysterious.

Yet nothing is as glorious as you."

- Maya Angelou (?)

Book Review - Strength in Weakness

The 'blurb':

Quaker women in the eighteenth century were carrying on the faith and activity of their seventeenth-century forebears, but as a group their lives and writings have been neglected in modern times by both Quaker and other historians. Gil Skidmore brings together a rich array of letters, spiritual autobiographies, journals, and memoirs to put the lives and concerns of these women into context.

I really liked it. Despite the heavyness of the 'old' English and the 'uneducated' way of writing it was a good read. The bible references are quite frequent so one needs not to be 'disturbed' by that fact if you are to be able to enjoy the book.

I found that the parts where education and raising children were brought up to be especially 'enlightened'. I have now unfortunately forgotten which one of the women made the most poignant points about these topics (towards the end of the book) but if it had been my own book (I borrowed it from the library) I would have underlined her words for sure, those and many of the other inspirational things that were brought to light by these courageous women.

It's not in on the 'top list' of my all time favourite books perhaps but it definitely gave me food for thought. I like that in any book! :) What the Quaker women (and men!) went through back then was, is, some truly amazing stuff...

Dinner Challenge!

So here's a 'challenge' for you!

Who would you invite to dinner?
Choose 6 people, living or dead, that you'd like to invite over for dinner. Choose freely, they can be friends and/or family, famous or infamous ;) people.

'All' I want from you is a motivation as to why you've chosen these people, both on a personal level as well as what you think the individuals might add to the group.

Tag as many or as few people as you like.

Don't forget to let me know in the comments when you're done with the challenge! :) :) :)

If you've read this post you've been tagged for the challenge! :)

A special 'honourary tag' goes to DMG, Cora, Gumbo Soul and Kelly who I'll 'personally' hunt down and tag on their blogs! ;p

Edited to add: OhOhOh! Why not add a little note of what would be on the dinner table too?? :D That'd be fun to read about too. :)

Image is linked and borrowed from pinkofperfection.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm inviting:
Khalil Gibran
Jesus (as in Christ)
Paulo Coelho
Cora
Muhammed (as in founder of Islam)
Dalai Lama (as in the 14th)

This was not an easy choice...I could easily have added another 3-4 people to the table! OR invite a whole new group of 6 people. (I would have loved an all-girls-table! ;)) Sure, I guess I could have changed the rules too to suit ;) but my reason for 'only' inviting 6 people is so that we'll all have time to have a good chat with each other before the night is through. (Cora's an overnight guest just so ya'll know! ;)).

The reason for inviting these people over is, if you haven't already figured it out, to talk about religion, spirituality and faith. I'm curious to meet and discuss with each individual his/her point of view on these things but I'd also think it'd be sooo cool to see Muhammad chatting with Jesus and the Dalai Lama talking with Gibran etc. and so on. :) I think that the group conversations at the table would be very interesting too and I'd like to believe that they're all 'well-behaved' and wouldn't start a fight. ;)

Added after editing: I'm not a very good cook so I don't have a ready recipe in mind but I'd serve something vegetarian for sure. I think it'd be the best option considering the guest. A nice stew of some sort perhaps and definately a soul soothing sweet-something for dessert! ;)

So, tell me! Who would you invite to dinner?? :)

* Parenting * Family * Children *

"Give the children love, more love and still more love – and the common sense will come by itself."
- Astrid Lindgren

"Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence."
- Plato

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
- Theodore Hesburgh

"What good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best after all."
- Benjamin Spock

"There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation."
- Meryl Streep

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
- Desmond Tutu

"Family is not an important thing, it's everything."
- Michael J. Fox

"Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made."
- Bill Cosby

"We cannot fashion our children after our desires, we must have them and love them as God has given them to us."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

*blushing*

Less angry today, a lot less... I'm sorry for my previous outburst, I just really needed to get it out of my system. I have some frustrations that need venting and this blog was not intended to be that place... *blushing*

Angry!

Yeah, I am! I'm furious, frustrated, pissed off, ANGRY! I can't sleep. I can't move. I can't decide. I can't breathe. I can't sleep...or at least fall asleep. I can eat though! And that pisses me off even more! STOP eating for f**ks sake!! I'm stuck. I'm stuck.. I'm stuck...!

It hurts and aches and the only thing that'll numb it is food...! Why?! My mum only enjoys food when she feels good, and she doesn't eat (at all!) when stressed/worried/hurt... I'm the complete opposite! If I feel good I don't need to eat, but if not then there's nothing that'll stop me. I eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat. And get more and more angry along the way, not less - if it at least made me less angry it'd be 'worth it' but nooo. :[ It's your stereotypical yet classical downward sprial...to HELL, if I believed in such a place, but I'll just settle for the limbo that I'm in right here and now!

Skincrawling-loosing-it-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-no-ones-awake-to-give-a-rats-ass-ANGRY!

I speak not of unknown things.

Outside my window... misty and milder and a very typical 'moody' April, some sun and a lot of rain.

Around the house... the usual 'organised chaos'...although it's about to tip the scale to chaos if I don't intervene soon.

I'm wearing... white tee with the words 'FEAR LESS HOPE MORE' on it, my grey sweats and powder pink sparkly nail polish on my toe nails. :)

I'm reading... Elizabeth Gilberts 'Committed' (in Swedish). Liking it. Definately food for thought.

I'm hearing... the hmmmmm of the computer and the low tinkering of the keyboard when I type. It's late and everyone, but me, are asleep.

I'm learning... how much I miss learning. I miss studying. I haven't been back to uni since I made my decision (not sure why I should, but perhaps I better since the official paper work isn't done yet). There's some dead time now before I can go back to work so right now I'm just sort of waiting...

I'm thinking... too much!

I'm hoping... this heavy 'tiredness' I'm feeling will go away soon.

I'm grateful for... all the awesome women I know who give me strength and share with me of their wisdom.

Low note... last night's chaos of putting kiddies to bed. :( Felt like the worst mom ever... sometimes I wonder if the permanent memory that my kids will have of me as they grow up is my constant (?) frown and/or me barking at them about everything (?)...??? :´(

High note... going to the library with kiddies today and sitting together reading about dinosaurs and monsters after dinner. :)

Light...? Oh yeah, THE WORD... :/ Feels like I should have picked 'chaos' instead...or possibly 'roller-coaster'...?

When I chose 'Light' the words that resonated with me about it was clear, not heavy, content, smooth, lighthearted and shine, none of which I'm feeling...quite the opposite in fact. I feel heavier both physically and emotionally, neither lighthearted or content, my head/heart/thoughts/feelings are eons from clear, smooth or shining...

*sigh*
Depressing I know! Sorry...it's just...yeah...me?

Golden Rule Day

"Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion."
- Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

What have you been up to today? :) I've not been up to much. Only been interacting with the family and unfortunately not really showing of the most compassionate side of myself. :/ The little people, especially little miss is trowing herself head first into the most awesome power struggles with me/us/any grown up at the moment and she just. doesn't. give. in! 'Unfortunately' she gets the stubborn streak from both her mum and dad and it isn't easy peasy for her either, 'cause she soooo badly wants to get her way, with everything. She needs compassion, I know this! I've done the theory and passed :D but theory and practise isn't so 'easy' when it comes to ones own offspring. *blushes* It's a struggle when she pushes aaaall my buttons at once and nothing I try to do for her is good enough... *breathe!* Let's say it's a work in progress, ok? ;p

I have been torturing (?) my facebook pals with Golden Rule-quotes all day and perhaps/maybe/hopefully brought compassion into light for some...? :)

Hope you have a day full of compassion,
♥

"That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah; the rest is commentary. Go and study it."
- Rabbi Hillel,
Talmud, Shabbat 31a

The Eve of Golden Rule Day.

"Trying to live according to the Golden Rule means trying to empathise with other people, including those who may be very different from us. Empathy is at the root of kindness, compassion, understanding and respect – qualities that we all appreciate being shown, whoever we are, whatever we think and wherever we come from. And although it isn’t possible to know what it really feels like to be a different person or live in different circumstances and have different life experiences, it isn’t difficult for most of us to imagine what would cause us suffering and to try to avoid causing suffering to others." (from thinkhumanism.com)

"..do as you would be done by. And do unto all men as you would have them do unto you..."

- The Quaker Peace Testimony

"What thou avoidest suffering thyself seek not to impose on others." 

- Epictetus

Tomorrow is Golden Rule Day. A day to be mindful of what it means to be compassionate. Perhaps the Day to begin living a more compassionate life, both towards yourself and others?

I truly believe that kindness, compassion, consideration for 'the other' and realisation that I am the other is crucial for a better tomorrow, for all of us.