2012 in review

How many...
People did you kiss? Enough. ;)
Countries did you visit? No traveling abroad at all this year.
Places did you live? 2. We sold Scabby House in the spring and me and the kids moved to the BlueHouse in May.
People did you date? A handful. :)
Books did you read? Too few...! 2-3 books of my own choise? Not much time for leisure reading whilst studying full time at Uni.
People were living with you? 2, my little ones. :)
Animals were living with you? No pets ...well, after May at least. Before that two cats.

What was your...
Favorite movie? Breaking Dawn part 2. Although I did really enjoy the latest Tinkerbell movie too. :)
Favorite concert? Not been to any concerts in 2012 but looking forward to one in 2013.
Worst experience? Not sure I've had anything worth complaining about happen to me this year...? I had a date that work out less than well (I had to call the police as he wouldn't stop pestering me afterwards) ...but that's about it for "worst experiences".
Happiest moment? Getting to "assist" when my good friend J gave birth to my god-daughter. After giving birth myself that'd be one of the most awesome experienses of my life! :)
Biggest change? Theres been plenty of changes in 2012. Moving to a place of my own for the first time since leaving my mothers house. To be independent is a powerful thing. The divorce was final in June, pretty big change too. And! I got my new surname...! :) :) :)
Biggest surprise? That dating is not only scary but fun! ...and falling in love ...hadn't expected that, and I'm still trying my best to cope with the unfamiliarity of it.

Did you...
Break a bad habit? Nah. Unfortunately not.
Start a relationship? Yeah...
End a relationship? Yes.
Change jobs? No.
Change living situations? Yes.
Lose a loved one? Thankfully not.
Start a new hobby? No.
Have an addition to the family? Not the immidiate family but the addition of M to my closest circle of friends is as good as an addition to it. :)
Get married? No.
Get divorced? Yes.

So, what are the things you want to see happen in 2013? Are there things you want to change in your life? About yourself? Comment!

For 2013 I hope things will keep falling into place as they have in 2012. Not looking/hoping for any major changes just for things to keep moving forward.

Happy New Year and Best wishes to you and yours for 2013!

the universe is unfolding as it should.

‎22.13

Quaker faith & practice.

‎22.13

No doubt from the earliest days of Christianity there have been men and women for whom the sexual relationship was illumined and deepened by the Christian message of love, for whom it expressed a true equality, an equal-sided valuation and respect, for whom coitus was an expression of tenderness and unity, not merely the gratification of animal urges. But it is one of the great tragedies of history that not until recent times has this implication of Christianity found public expression...

Sexual activity is essentially neither good nor evil; it is a normal biological activity which, like most other human activities, can be indulged in destructively or creatively. Further, if we take impulses and experiences that are potentially wholesome and in a large measure unavoidable and characterise these as sinful, we create a great volume of unnecessary guilt and an explosive tension within the personality. When, as so often happens, the impulse breaks through the restriction, it does so with a ruthlessness and destructive energy that might not otherwise have been there. A distorted Christianity must bear some of the blame for the sexual disorders of society.

Towards a Quaker view of sex, 1963

Heart & Faith

Can I choose who gets my heart? Or am I just kidding myself when I keep trying to convince myself that I decide...? I think I might be...

My heart has chosen and all I can do (?) is to try to have faith. Faith in the choice it has made, Faith in its new caretaker and Faith in its capacity to mend if (when?) broken.

It's scary...having faith that is... I was pretty sure I'd "lost" it (the capability of having enough faith in someone to let them tend to my heart) but over and over again I'm prompted into daring to believe, into having faith so...I'll do my best.

I'll try to have heart. :)

love,

The Egg by Andy Weir

My dearest darling soul sis Cora posted this on her blog at the beginning of the month at it just blew me away! Touched my heart. I loooove it. 

Go read and get the wind knocked out of you too! :)

The Egg by Andy Weir

Love& Light,

New name!

I’ve gotten my new surname! :)

My fancy official letter from The Swedish Patent and Registration Office arrived last Wednesday. :)

I’d been thinking, just the day before, about the fact that the notification period had come and gone…when was it going to be official?? And, now it is!

I’m sooo smitten with my new name…! ;) I love writing it (been practising my new signature all summer) and every time I log on to facebook and see it there I get this warm fussy feeling inside and cannot but smiiile. Saying it out loud is, of course, fab too! Love it!

I am the same E as before the name change but yet, somehow I feel brand new... :)

Love&Light,

Daring to see and feel...!

Finally, finally, finally I've gotten myself a laptop! It's on loan to me from my brother-in-law so that I can specify what I like/don't like about his one so that he'll be able to sort me out with just the right one for me! :) :) :)

...at the mo though I'm on my sisters computer... ;) Me and kiddies are house-sitting her home whilst she and her family are away. It's a winwin situation as it give me time to hang out with my Gothenburg friends I don't get to see too often. :)

Oh my word...how I have missed this! Having the time to blog about a topic that has been brewing within and not feeling stressed about having the time it'll take me to get it written. True bliss! :)

I wanna return to this me-letting-my-hear-lead-the-way-topic I've been touching but not really having time to write about.

Quite quickly after the long-awaited move to BlueHouse I was somewhat concerned about the skipping of my heart... It was nice to feel it but its long inactivity made me uncomfortable and sometimes the skipping, or unexpected rush, would cause me actual, physical, pain... Please be gentle was my quiet prayer. Go slow...! Take your time. Let me rest. Yet it headed none of my pleas and kept on its previous behaviour.

I was like a teenager again with rushing emotions, I was high and low and blushing and embarrased and angry...! I whinged and moaned about it to my awesome friends and at one point, texting with my most brilliant "sister" A. she sent me a message saying

"Yes hun, it's scary to be alive. But it's time now..."

and I was floored by how right she was...! I realised that the discomfort a skipping (alive!) heart gave me was in fact managable beacause of the joy and rush that a beating heart brings...!

I realised also that I am not a teenager again (which I for a moment feared I was turning into!)! I am in fact very grown up, in control of my Life, of my choices and I choose to Feel and I allow myself to See and believe myself worthy of good things and good things have been coming my way. :)

It's awesome... I feel...aligned (things make sense) like I've not felt before... Like my head and heart are catching up on what my Soul has been screaming for a long time...and I believe. It's so cool! :D

 In the Light,

Reward of goodbye

From Paulo Coelho's facebook page.
 

Heart

My one word for 2012 - Heart is already, only halfway through the year, showing me how right it was to choose me. :)

2012 has truly been my year! A year to settle in Me and my Freedom and I'm SO excited to see where the rest of the year takes me! :) I've been braver, bolder, kinder and more loving (to myself) than I probably have ever been...! I've been letting my heart lead the way (more) and letting myself feel more and I feel so much more alive than I have in aaages. :) :) :) I'm not scared.

I'm in a good place.

Love&Light,
 

Neale Donald Walsch

I've stolen a moment on my muns computer to do a quick blogpost! ;) Yay! :D

I follow Neale Donald Walsch on twitter (@_NealeDWalsch) and OMG he serves up some gems of wisdom! :) I had heard of his Conversations with God series but not been overly keen on reading them...didn't really seem to be my "thing" - my mind has changed. :)

♥


Here's som gems from his twitter feed:

"Spirituality is about the values, ethics, and deepest part of the individual, not the theological dogma of the clump" "

The you that you are is God, in Particular Form.

You are an Aspect of Divinity.

And so is everyone and everything else."

"Consider the possibility that what you call 'God' might also be called, simply, 'life.'"

"Luck, in truth, does not exist, if you define 'luck' as 'unexpected good' emerging 'out of thin air' for no apparent reason."

"In every moment God expresses Himself in, as, and through you. You are not without guidance, nor will you ever be."

- Neale Donald Walsch

Getting settled.

Hi y'all! :)
I've got a BIG exam tomorrow and I reallyreally should be studying for it but...since I haven't yet opened the books for it I'm going to use tomorrow as a trial run and aim to pass on the next opportunity. Opening the litterature now would just cause panic so I won't - I'll blog a bit instead. :D

I miss this - blogging! My right hand is a very tired hand dealing with most of my free time surfing on the android phone so I'm thinking it's time to get myself a cute little laptop? :) :) :)

What I'm here to say is that we've all settled well in BlueHouse. I'm happy, kids are too. Ex has gotten himself a place of his own too (which we feared he might not in time). Tomorrow we'll finally be free of ScabbyHouse as new owners will get the keys. :) I've been ready for this for sooo long...

Divorce has also gone through its final stages and I'm no longer a married woman and I've also sent in the application for my new surname. :)

Most things are good now. :) Not all, by any means, but when my biggest source of irritation right now is that I've yet to figure out how to fill the new dishwasher the Best way I really don't feel I've got too much to complain about...

I am sending out a little prayer for my heart to please stop skipping like it does from time to time... it's completely random yet equally painful everytime. Not ready for that just yet...

Welcome Home!

Went by the apartment after this mornings exam (which went well, I think) and I brought with my a few house-warming gifts... :)

This one says Welcome H O M E on it and it made me
s m i l e...! :) :) :) So it just had to come with me Home. :)

http://instagr.am/p/KKVSYllLcf/

I also got myself a potted calla lily and a sweet "sign" with a friendship quote on it to remind me how blessed I am. ♥

What would be typical house warming gifts where you're from??

:) :) :)

I've got the keys for my little apartment in the BlueHouse! :D On Friday/Saturday I'm getting help moving our things and... Iwannamoverightnooow!! ;) I've got a big exam tomorrow and I have studied, but my head is so not there right now! This is exactly why I was hoping to have done this moving business last year, when I was 'just' working... :) But, oh well, the Time has Finally arrived and I'm over the moon! :D

I HATE packing but moving, moving is heaven and my little flat is...adorable! :) :) :)

I've cancelled my broadband (for now) so the only surfing on the web I'll be doing in the near future in on my phone and then I'll be hanging out on Twitter (@HaudIgnota) - so, if you're curious to see what I'm up to pop by there! :)

No broadband - no (or very little) blogging but I will be back! So pleasepleaseplease don't shy away, I'll return, sooner rather than later. :)

Love&Light,

SDF - Moving On

*exhaling*

So. it. is. done. :)

To the young couple 

who's just bought their first house.

May ♥ Scabby House ♥ bring you

 a Lifetime of happiness. 

♥

Yesterday afternoon the papers were finally signed, the down-payment transferred. Scabby House will exchange owners on June 1st. :) :) :) I'll not be breathing free 'til we're out and keys exchanged but omg the relief I felt when it was official! :D They/we cannot break the agreement without it being a very costly affair so I feel secure in that it. is. done. :)

Barely touching the ground she walks on,
 

ALMOST there...!

Reason for poor update on house selling nonsense is because we're just about done with the enormous stress that it is to sell a house and...I don't wanna say Yay before I know for sure.

Please keep holding me in your thoughts, it's what's made it go so smoothly it so far...! :)

Sad attempt of calming nerves...

Sooo... ScabbyHouse is being viewed today and I've cleaned it top to bottom and I can't find anything else to clean so. now. I. wait.
Realtor will be here about half an hour before viewing starts...so I've got about another hour to just wait and brace myself from climbing up on the roof to scrub that clean too.

PleasePleasePlease mote it all go well...!

For those of you who don't follow (or can be bothered google translating ;)) the "home blog" I'll share a photo of my next home - BlueHouse. :) Yesterday I finally had the signed rental-agreement in my hand so now it's official. :)

A two bedroom rental on the first floor. Bonus is that it's on the gable of the building so there's lots of windows - Light. :) We get keys to BlueHouse May 2nd. 

:) :) :)

Now. Keep fingers, toes, legs, arms crossed that sale of ScabbyHouse goes smoooothly! Can't wait for the future to begin... :)

Man in the arena

Just had to find the quote Brené mentioned in her ted talk on shame. Here it is. :)

Dare greatly!

Love,


"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. 
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

  - Theodore Roosevelt
"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

I posted Brené's talk on vulnerability last february. It has gotten a HUMONGOUS amount of hits on TED  and YouTube. If you've not yet seen it....please take the time to listen to it. It had an enormous inpack on me and now TED.com have now posted another talk with Brené, now on shame. *yay*

Again...a wow video! Watch it!!

Love&Light,

Smaller all of a sudden?

OK, I really should be in bed by now but...posting my previous post I noticed the font size being kinda small on the blog... Has it always been that small? Is it too small?? I prefer smaller font size to bigger... Blogs with huge font annoy me to bits and make me wanna scream I'm not blind! ;)

The most annoying thing is that the font size is not the same in 'the blog posting page' as it is once I've finally posted it onto the blog itself...??? Hmmm.... :/ :\

I think I should be able to adjust the setting somewhere...if ya'll find it to be too small.
Let me know alright? :) :) :)

Everything's OK

Just what I needed!

Stressed out, panicking over this house selling nonsense, life, motherhood, studies etc. and so on. Out of "nowhere" ;) ;) this little thing appeared and let me exhale in the midst of all this chaos... :) Won't you try it out too??

The magic button — Make Everything OK 

Thankful,

House tour!

So, ScabbyHouse is finally out on the market and interest seems to be gooood. We had a first (terrible!) offer made on it before it had been out for a full day...

Here's photos of not-looking-too-ScabbyHouse, taken last Friday. :)

Front of our little scabby house with garage at the back.

Welcome!

 Our, never-ever this tidy, hallway with stairs down at the back of photo and entry to kitchen on  the left.

The kitchen, from hallway.

Kitchen, opposite direction. Opening to the right, in the middle takes you through to out little bathroom and the bedroom. From bedroom you get to living room and back to hallway.

GREAT fun for kiddies to run round and round and round 'til someone runs into kitchen island or similar hard object and tears follow! ;)

Living room with fire place and ancient TV (both uncommon in the most common of Swedish houses ;)). There's the bedroom and hallway too. :)

Upstairs bedroom.

'Playroom' downstairs. Little Man's bedroom to the left.

Little Man's bedroom.

Across the back hallway you'll find Little E's room. Door on right take you to 'laundry room' and back to again to the 'playroom'.

And there ya have it! My sweet, in need of some TLC, ScabbyHouse. :) Hope you enjoyed the tour! :) :) :)
Love&Light,

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wonder... What will it be like when ScabbyHouse is sold, all the tidying and anxiety over what-will-come-next is over, when the kiddies and I have our own place, have settled into our routines...? What then?? Will Life finally catch up with me and knock me off my feet or is there actually such a thing as 'smooth sailing'...?

I'm...I wanna write scared or worried (but I'm not!) ... I'm concerned (?) that there isn't such a place of Peace. That "struggle" is my constant companion... And I don't mean not in a Martyr kind of way but in a I-can't-stop-myself-from-growing kinda way and...

Is there (can there be) Growth 

without some kind of Struggle...?? 

The prospect above is both scary and intriguing. What else is out there...?? Yet, my whole Being is crying out for Peace, smooth sailing...! But.. .if I get to that place of Peace... Will "reality" hit me? Knock me over?? Will I crumble? Be the Needy one...? :\

Pondering,

House Pimpin'

Since finally picking a realtor to sell our ScabbyHouse I've been busy trying to make it look purdy. With an enormous amount of help from the BEST Family a girl can have I'm getting there. :) On Friday photos will be taken and I'm hoping house will be out for sale by the end of next week.
*fingers crossed*

Here's a few recent photos I've taken and I have to say that ScabbyHouse has never been purdier! :) I couldn't find any photo's of little peeps bedrooms (waaaay to many folders on computer!). Will add some later if you wish. :)

My bedroom with computer table and Charlie cat.

Kitchen two angles. Bottom photo peeks into blue hallway and our brown front door.

Basement "playroom". Door on left leads to laundry room and then to little E's bedroom. Door on right is toward MisterMan's green bedroom. Between kiddies rooms is a little hallway and exit out at the back of house.

Ready to sell,

New Princess!

Early this morning Sweden welcomed a new Princess, daughter to Crown Princess Victoria and Prince Daniel. Tomorrow we'll find out her name! I'm guessing (rooting for!) Alice or Ulrika - maybe both as per tradition she'll have 4 names. Welcome earthside little one! :)

Edited to add:
Here name is H.R.H Estelle Silvia Ewa Mary, Dutchess of Östergötland. An non-traditional name choice... not anywhere near what 'all' of us were guessing! ;) I love that Victoria and Daniel dared to be different, even if I don't necessarily love the name. ;)

♥

Came across this image on one of my favourite blogs Beyond Sizes. Love, love, love it! Love yourself! ♥

Love,

Happy Valentine's Day!

♥

(image: Vol.Up.2)

Decided?!

Yeeeaaah...! :D I think I might have made a decision on what my new surname will be. :) My bestest big sis actually came up with it years ago when she was considering changing hers, when she and BIL got married. They never got round to it (it takes time to decide!) and whenever I mentioned my thoughts about changing my name she 'suggested' this one and after thinking it through and considering it against my other 'options' I cheekily nicked it! ;)

I'm pretty sure she's fine with it... :) I've promised to give her my consent if she wants to do the change too in the future. ;) Yeah, that's right, she'll have to ask my permission :) since it's a completely new surname which I'll have to register it with the Patent Office to get it approved. :) :) :) That's how it works over here! ;)

There's one person alive with a similar surname who I might need to ask permission of buuut, my version of this name might also be different 'enough' to be approved straight off. *fingers crossed!*

♥

Interested in an update?

Ack! I don't know why you would be... ;)

I realised that just because my life is 'uneventful' it doesn't mean that the blog should be...? OR...? Who do I write for? Well...for myself is the answer to that and in 10 years when I look back through the blog and there's a gap I'll know that that's when I really wasn't up to much...! :) (which is sorta a lie, but I'll know)

Some people seem to disappear from the blogosphere when they're busy in real life - I'm the opposite! When stuff happens, I can't wait to blog about it! :D I want to 'share' or, more true, to keep the memory. :) 'Cause that's how I blog ...like I used to write in my diary when I was younger ...if 'nothing' happened, nothing was written. ...and with hindsight I think that it would have been nice to remember to write even when there wasn't any Happenings, at least once in a while! ;)

Sooo...I guess that's what I'm doing now. :D Letting you/me ;) know I'm still not up to much and yet...loads...

Update:

Soon-to-be-Ex is staying at a friend of his, 

realtor coming tomorrow, 

kids have had a tummy bug, 

I'm loving being back at uni and 

I'm totally addicted to twitter, 

tummy bug and stbEx out of house means missed Meeting and falling a bit behind at uni but I'll catch up. :) 

Realtor visit means tidytidytidying and sort-throw-organise! Brother-in-law sorted us out with a 'new' oven and sisters and I 'redecorated' the house at the weekend. Love my Family!

New surname has still not reveled itself to me...I'm sorta sure but yet not...

Update over and out! ;)

Love&Light,

Jewel - What you are

I'm driving around town
Kinda bored with the windows rolled down
See a girl on the bus stop bench
Dressed to draw attention

Hoping everyone will stare
If she don't stand out she thinks she'll disappear
Wish I could hold her, tell her, show her
What she wants is already there

A star is a star
It doesn't have to try to shine
Water will fall
A bird just knows how to fly

You don't have to tell a flower how to bloom
Or light how to fill up a room
You already are what you are
And what you are is beautiful

Heard a story the other day
Took place at the local VA
A father talking to his dying son
This was his conversation

"It's not supposed to be like this
You can't go first I can't handle it"
The boy said "Dad now don't you cry,
Remember when I was a child what you used to tell me when I'd ask why?"

(You'd say) Gravity is gravity
It doesn't try to pull you down
Stone is stone
It can't help but hold its ground

The wind just blows, though you can't see
It's everywhere like I'll always be
You already are what you are
And what you are is strong enough

Look in the mirror
Now that's another story to tell
I give love to others
But I give myself hell

I'd have to tell myself
"In every seed there's a perfect plan"
Everything I hoped to be
I already am

A flower is a flower
It doesn't have to try to bloom
And light is light
Just knows how to fill a room

And dark is dark
So the stars have a place to shine
The tide goes out
So it can come back another time

Goodbye makes a hello so sweet
And love is love so it can teach us
We already are what we are
And what we are is beautiful

And strong enough
And good enough
And bright enough

Against the Wind

The image below was shared on facebook by my cousin today and I love it! :)

Don't fill your hole with religion, stuff or people... Run! Run against the wind!! :)

Having a rough week,

What's up?

Not-so-much...and lots! :) The way it usually is...

I feel lacking in inspiration (?), not just for blogging but for life in general. :/ I'm on the edge on finally getting this house sold...or, to be honest, into the process of being sold! :p I still have to pick a realtor! :\

In 34 days I can send in papers to the court to confirm that I want the divorce finalised (in Sweden there's mandatory 6 month waiting period because of the fact that we have young children) - it feels strange that that date is almost here already. I have not changed my mind...if anything I've become even more sure that it is time for us to part. But, I do feel somewhat...empty. Probably due to us still living together, having the house together... I need to move on yet - all things still needing done is resting on my shoulders. The emptiness is currently being filled with bread. :p

I want to change my last name too. I don't want to take my maiden name back, I'm not her anymore. I don't want to 'revert', I want progress. I want something new, a fresh start, a new beginning. But...what to choose?! Another family name?? ...or something completely new...? Argh! Me and decisions! :P

Being back at uni feels great! :) There's some 'hassle' about figuring out if the semester I've previously done can give me any credit towards this semester... and, if I can get/claim it does that effect my study grant and how? OR is it better to just do a complete do-over and count this semester as a repetition of the previous one...?? *sigh* I dunno, just putting one foot in-front of the other, as per usual, trying to hold on to Me and my faith that things always find a way to work themselves out.

Tired-

Winter wonderland

Here are some photo's from the little outing we did yesterday. 

Beautiful day! :)

Finally we found a good enough hill for the kids to slide down on their...hm...is there even a word for it in English...?? Stjärtlapp...? *lol* Nope not even going to try to translate this one! ;) 

You sit on it, holding on (for dear life!) to handle between your legs and slide down the snow. Great fun for young and old! :D

Playground was fun too, even covered in snow.

Everything is beautified with the help of snow! :) :) :)

Our humble abode, looking a lot less run down, thanks to that white, cold, stuff.

Love&Light,