Skincrawling-loosing-it-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-no-ones-awake-to-give-a-rats-ass-ANGRY!
Friday 8 April 2011
Angry!
Yeah, I am! I'm furious, frustrated, pissed off, ANGRY! I can't sleep. I can't move. I can't decide. I can't breathe. I can't sleep...or at least fall asleep. I can eat though! And that pisses me off even more! STOP eating for f**ks sake!! I'm stuck. I'm stuck.. I'm stuck...!
It hurts and aches and the only thing that'll numb it is food...! Why?! My mum only enjoys food when she feels good, and she doesn't eat (at all!) when stressed/worried/hurt... I'm the complete opposite! If I feel good I don't need to eat, but if not then there's nothing that'll stop me. I eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat. And get more and more angry along the way, not less - if it at least made me less angry it'd be 'worth it' but nooo. :[ It's your stereotypical yet classical downward sprial...to HELL, if I believed in such a place, but I'll just settle for the limbo that I'm in right here and now!
Skincrawling-loosing-it-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-no-ones-awake-to-give-a-rats-ass-ANGRY!
Skincrawling-loosing-it-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-no-ones-awake-to-give-a-rats-ass-ANGRY!
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5 comments:
:(. I have been the SAME way this whole last week. I feel like I'm shoveling my way through all the food I can see, and I'm getting really angry with myself because I'm starting to go in the opposite direction of where I've been going and can't seem to stop it. I'm thinking about food RIGHT now. *HUGS* You will get through it. Wish I had better advice.
thanx luv, I know...just wish I was through it already... :/
{{Mucho hugs, love}} Glad you called in the middle of your night to talk. Advantage to so many miles a part ;-)
I wish I had the right words to make it all better, to ease your mind and give a clear path for you to follow.
You do have a plan, and it's a good one, just focus on that and let the rest sort itself out.
You've a right to be angry and you'll be angry for a while, I imagine. Don't bottle it up, but let Himself see all the turmoil.
Stuck, now there's a word that's been visiting my vocabulary very often of late. As for the food, girrrrrrrrrrl, I'm right there with ya. I've gained 25 lbs. in the last year. Some days I eat and exercise and make good choices, other days I tell everyone to fuck off and eat a box of cookies.
Cora: <3
DM: I lost 40 lbs between Oct. 2009 - Aug. 2010. I felt FaNtAsTiC! Probably had the same amount to loose to be _satified_ but any hoot... since Aug. I've probably gained about half of what was lost... :/ And I'm right on track to gain the rest back too... :[
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