Fried Brain...!

Okiedok...this thinking stuff (with all other the other stuff) just about made my head eXpLoDe so I've taken a break, a breather, some 'space'. I had lil'sis come and pick me and kiddos up and take us to Mum's.

Not sure how it's going to help me make decisions but...I just had to do something! Which is the complete opposite to how Husband copes with things. He surrenders (gives up!) and I don't know how to...I wish I did (to a point at least) but I just can't...I physically don't know how to give up/give in... why is that...? :/

He doesn't know how to do and I don't know how to stop doing. Can you imagine that we've got some issues...?

I'll have a 4 minute hysterical break-down where I loose it, I literally 'go away' and in the midst of cRaZy I think that I'd like to stay here for a little while and that thought automatically brings me to...this isn't taking me anywhere so what's the point...? ...and I put myself together, wipe my nose and tears...'cause who else would? (now that's harsh! 'cause I do have people to hold me together but this is how I reason) I keep thinking that this time I'll truly loose it, I'll get stuck, not be able to come back but...I keep coming back, keep putting myself together, keep wiping the tears... 'cause I don't know what else to do! All worn, torn and broken I still keep putting one foot in front of the other and I keep moving/doing...

Is it crazy to not 'be able' to be crazy...?

I'm a do:er...so much so that Husband probably doesn't get a chance to do...even if he wanted to. I'm a talker, he's not...we used to complement each other, now we don't.

*sigh*
So, here I am. At mum's! Thank Goodness :) for her... Coming here is perhaps the least bit of doing I can manage, here I allow myself to just be, to ignore chores/uni/house/'obligations' and just breathe for a bit. Because do I realise that I can't do it all, that at some point I'll be to much in pieces to be put back right and I have to stop doing. I have to find some balance, allow myself to not do too...