Just over a year ago I had this 'same' vibe too, I wrote about it in the family blog and the feeling stayed with me for a while...
I wrote then, April 2010:
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On my way home from school today I got this awesome "I'm alright"-feeling. I was (I am!) good. Life kinda sucks sometimes but I really wouldn't changes things either...!
How boring would Life be if it just stood still?! No lesson's learnt, no life experience gained…! I like things/life to move and change and surprise me, not test me but challenge me…
Last year [2009] was eons from great, nowhere near good and far from alright… It was… manageable, mainly because I didn't know what else to do with life, but to manage it. It was hard, trying and heart breaking at times. But! I grew, like I've never grown before...! Thanks to all that crap I'm stronger, more secure in myself and more confident then I have been for a long time, if ever before!
Life still isn't great but it has the potential to be! :) Now we're mostly alright, sometimes even good and that gives me hope. No matter how Life evolves, what road I end up taking I hope, truly hope, that I'll not lose this zen-feeling - that things will be alright. That I am alright…
Where did that original feeling come from...? Because I've "always" had this it'll work out/it'll be alright-attitude to things...! I wish I was more "zen" about it - I'd stress less if I could truly embrace it...but! I've always had this gut-feeling that no matter what I choose, what path I walk - things will be alright in the end. Life will find a way to sort things out...
If I was religious I guess I'd call it faith in God or something but I'm not religious... But, I still have Faith, in Life...in me...?
Gosh! …someone must have been sending me an awesomeness vibe out of this world 'cause this isn't the "usual" passing feeling it's more and it's kinda cool! :)
*lol* Now don't think I've completely changed on you! ;)
Believe me, after a few tantrums (from both little ones!) before dinner was even on the table I'd lost a good bit of my "zen" *lol* but now that kiddies are asleep and when things have calmed down a bit I'm there again…
Cool.
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The good feeling continued, more in April 2010:
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How weird...or is it actually more weird to not have contentment as a "normal setting" in ones life? Hmm...?
What brought this "thing" on...? Spring? Weight loss?? The volcano...? ;) :D Why do I feel the need to poke at why, rather than just accept that things are...good...?? I'm good.
Weird... Or?
*lol*
I am OK. That really shouldn't feel weird, should it...!? 'Cause the option of feeling not OK really doesn't appeal to me either...! :)
I'm trying my hardest to accept and embrace this "vibe" I'm feeling but... (no but's!!)
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This 'Zen-thing' has come over me again...now not in a surprising way, more of a reminder and it'd feel creepy if I wasn't so...'zen' about it... I feel... kind. calm. settled. safe. beautiful. lighter.
The words are sort of getting stuck in my head, I feel too bold (and somewhat embarrassed) for typing them. I keep deleting and rewriting the same things over and over and over all the while with this crazy ass smile on my face... *shaking my head*
I even wrote a vow to myself. *lol*
Dare I post it 'too'...? I'm feeling a bit loopy as is so I'll try and settle, some more...wait. Feels like I need to wait. So. I'm. waiting.
Love&Light,
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